Parents suffer from separation anxiety too

As our babies and kids go through the different developmental phases we often come across separation anxiety. It’s normal for little ones to feel separation anxiety. I remember reading lots about it when Big Munch was around 9 months old. I’ll be away from my two girls and Mr.H soon as I head off to the Mom 2.0 blogger conference in Orlando. I know I have mixed feelings about being away. So, what about the parents and their own separation anxiety?  

Are they going to be OK? It’s a question we ask ourselves as parents each day. It could be the nursery drop-off or saying bye at nap-time. We can’t constantly watch our kids and have to trust that they will be OK. However, they’re so little and it’s natural that we worry about them. That’s why I’m sure it’s normal for us parents to suffer from separation anxiety too. We’re only human right?

Photo by Katrina Campbell Photography

Trusting others…A big part of parental separation anxiety is knowing that our kids are being well looked after. We have to start trusting other grown ups to look after our precious babies. We have to trust our children’s independence. It’s something I want my girls to feel. I never wanted them to be super-clingy babies as I knew I’d be going back to work after maternity leave. For the first time, me and Mr H went away together on our own and to another country. We knew our girls would be fine staying the weekend at my Mum’s. It still felt strange knowing that they wouldn’t be able to see both of us over the weekend. 

Missing out…Kids are constantly developing. When we have to leave them at nursery or childcare we don’t always get to see their new tricks first time round. Parents can feel like they’re missing out. It’s like parenthood FOMO.  Not being together doesn’t mean not sharing special moments at other times. In fact being part can make us value the family hang out time we enjoy together. 
Getting used to it…I remember my parents working long hours when I was little. Working is part of life. It means we will be apart from our kids. Everyone’s getting used to doing their own thing during the day. As a mum I need my time out and I’m glad my two girls are getting used to seeing their mummy go off to work or her events at the weekends. I hope see this will encourage their own independence when they’re older. 

Will they be OK without us? We are their parents and they need us everyday. We’re their ultimate comfort blanket. I worry about if or when they feel upset or may hurt themselves and need a cuddle. All they might want at that moment is their mummy or daddy. What I’ve learnt is that kids can be really adaptable. They find their different sources of support. They also quickly move onto the next activity. 

Tearful goodbyes…Last week it was tears all round. Toddler Munch has started a new nursery and she just didn’t want to go in. Usually she’s OK with nursery but seeing her so upset brought out the tears in me too. I felt bad leaving her knowing she wasn’t in the mood for hanging out with new grown ups and kids. For the first time I felt a rush of hardcore mum guilt. I was leaving her when she was really upset but I had to go to work. Knowing how busy she would soon be at nursery helped my separation anxiety. 

Everyday reunions…One thing that distracts me from separation anxiety during the day is knowing we will be back together again. You’ve got to love the excited hello’s and cuddles at the nursery pick up. When I come home from my trip I’m excited about walking in through the front door and being greeted with some serious hugs from my two girls. 

Do you think parents suffer rom separation anxiety? What helps children to feel OK when they’re away from their parents? Any tips for me when I’m away from my children next week? Let me know what you think too. 

Why I love organising the Lucky Things Meet Ups

This year, the Lucky Things Meet Ups are going national. I’m not usually a numbers girl but there are five planned across the country over the coming months and another five lined up for Autumn time. Organising events, however big or small, is hard work. When I look at the 2017 Lucky Things Meet Up schedule, I never doubt why I organise them. So why do I love organising the Lucky Things Meet Ups?

Connecting people offline…I say this a lot but social media should never be a replacement for socialising with people in real life. It’s an important tool that helps us to connect with people we may not get to meet as we go about our everyday business. The Lucky Things Meet Ups are about catching up with people in real life whether you know someone who’s going too or you’re coming along on your own. I’ve always loved getting people together. Whether it’s birthday parties where me and Mr.H used to DJ, or renting the local church hall to get loads of mums together to support Macmillan, I’ve always loved organising a get-together. Lucky Things Blog was born out of PND and our IVF experience. I found the right creative outlet for me. I was lucky to be encouraged to get out and meet new people which helped me to move out of PND. There’s no question about it, seeing people is important for our wellbeing.

Sharing the know-how…One thing I love about planning these down-to-earth social and networking events for women is the chance to share tips and experiences with each other. It’s always interesting hearing about what talks or topics people want to hear about. It’s not just about people hearing my HR expertise or confidence coaching know-how. I’m proud that all kinds of people and experts appear on the panels. Many are at different stages in their career, creative or entrepreneurial journey. They don’t have to be well-known or Instagram superstars. They just have to be honest people who don’t mind chatting about what they do and what they’ve learnt along the way.

Sources of inspiration…Whether it’s listening to one of the panel speakers or sharing a giggle with one of the other guests, I love seeing how women at the Lucky Things Meet Ups inspire each other. When I first set up the Lucky Things Meet Ups, I never realised they would be about inspiration. I didn’t realise others would be using this word to describe them. At the end of the day, everyone needs their sources of inspiration we juggle the ups and downs in life.

Like-minded doesn’t have to mean the same…Quite a few people who come to the Lucky Things Meet Ups talk about being around like-minded women. What does this mean? Like-minded is about having an understanding, empathy or maybe something in common. It could be the smallest thing that encourages people to chat or connect. We don’t have to be the same as each other to be like-minded. 

Celebrating difference…One thing I love about organising Lucky Things Meet Ups is that they attract loads of different women. We live different lives, do different work, have different backgrounds, ideas and opinions. When I first started hearing guests describe these events as inclusive, it was pretty cool. That’s exactly what I hoped they would be. 

Sometimes we just need a break…The Lucky Things Meet Ups are about quality me-time. I love that people can focus on your own development if they fancy taking away some tips and tricks. We put more and more demands on ourselves. Life rarely gets quieter; we find ourselves juggling lots of things. The Lucky Things Meet Ups are about taking out a few hours and recharging in an informal social setting. 

The Lucky Things Meet Ups are being held in London, Bristol, Manchester and Brighton. Pop over to the events section for more info.  If you want to see what we got up to at the first Lucky Things Meet Up on 2017, check out this video.

If you’d like to receive the e-bulletin on the Lucky Things Meet Up dates, just send a quick email to sunita@luckythings.co.uk

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let’s talk about flex – Mother Pukka’s #flexappeal campaign for more flexible working

Flexible working. Over the last 15 years in my HR career, these words are becoming  more and more important.  As lots of people experience parenthood, different lifestyles or life changes, more flexible working conversations are taking place in the workplace. So what’s the #flexappeal campaign all about? Created and led by Anna Whitehouse of motherpukka.co.uk, it’s about raising awareness of the benefits flexible working brings to a business and its teams.

Thanks to @emilygrayphoto for this photo

Travelling away from my children and welcoming our Scamp and Dude superhero

So many parents and carers have to spend time away from their children. I’m not just talking about during the day when we’re working or running businesses. Overnight stays away from our children and families can be hard too. Sometimes they can be short-notice or even unplanned trips away from the family. On Lucky Things blog, we chat a lot about confidence. We don’t always feel confident as parents, especially as we adapt to new situations for our families. In January I stayed about a week away from Mr.H and my two daughters. It was an emotional time not being with them. You can read more about how I felt travelling away from my children for the first time here. So I wanted to see what could help this temporary absence and that’s when I came across the Scamp and Dude Superhero. I love that Scamp and Dude is all about inspiring confidence in children.

Anxious about being away…I knew the girls would be fine as they were with their original superhero Daddy (AKA Mr. H) but I knew we’d miss each other. I was also anxious about how the girls would feel about being not being at home. There were quite a few things we organised to help the girls and in particularly our three-year old Big Munch adapt to my temporary absence. It’s not often we need to treat the girls to new teddies or toys but instead of bringing back loads of gifts from my trip, I wanted to leave Big Munch with something new. One of the things that me and Big Munch picked together was our new lodger – our Scamp and Dude Superhero rabbit.

How do we explain sad events like bereavement to our children?

We want our children to grow up in a happy world. We want them to see and appreciate the good in people. We want them to grow up to be good people themselves. Sadly, we are unable to control the outside world. During our own childhoods and lifetimes we would have experienced sad events, whether they were in the news, or closer to our home, our families and our hearts. So how do we explain sad events like bereavement to our children?

Seven things I’ve learnt from my Mum

My Mum has been a pretty cool role model over the years. Here’s seven things I’ve learnt from my mum…

What could have stopped me feeling ashamed about doing IVF?

Last week was an interesting one for me. I appeared on live BBC radio talking about blogging and we touched on my pre and post-IVF anxieties. The BBC radio presenter Shazia Awan also mentioned my Will we tell our children they’re IVF babies?  blog featured as Mumsnet Blog of the Day. One of the things I’ve been pretty honest about when writing and talking about our IVF journey is how I felt about having to do IVF. I felt ashamed. Looking back, I wonder if I could have felt differently and what would have changed this for me. I hope others who are thinking about IVF or going through it don’t feel ashamed like I did. If they do, I totally get why. So here’s a few thoughts on what could have stopped me feeling ashamed about doing IVF.

My experience talking about blogging and Instagram life at the the BBC

At the end of last year a message popped up in my @luckythingsblog Instagram account. It was from BBC journalist Bela Shah. She asked if I was interested in featuring in a BBC news story on blogging and Instagram life. Bela mentioned she wanted to do a story on Instamums. As with many journalists she still had to pitch her idea to her producers and directors at the BBC. So it wasn’t guaranteed this would really go ahead.

Dealing with FOMO – the fear of missing out

The fear of missing out. FOMO contains a big word: fear. None of us want to fear anything do we? It can affect us from childhood, in our teens and in our grown up years. Even my girls have a bit of FOMO. Why end the day and have to go to bed? Last night I heard “I want to come in your room Mummy” a hundred times as Big Munch must have known I was planning my outfits for the week. Coming back to the grown up world, with people more on social media we can see what others are doing, where they’re hanging out and what they’ve been invited to. Here’s some tips on how to deal with FOMO – the fear of missing out.  

Forty ways to look after yourself

At the London Lucky Things Meet Up in January, the theme was looking after yourself. Not only did we hear tips from one of the UK’s leading mindfulness experts Dr.Tamara Russell, we also heard each other’s ideas for taking care of ourselves. I encouraged the attendees to think of a nurture wish they would like to pursue during the following month. I didn’t suggest something for the whole year as sometimes you just need to try things out. It had to be something that would be good for them as individuals. So what better way to kick off my 40th year with a list of 40 ways to look after yourself. These are just 40 of the nurture wishes people shared with me at the Lucky Things Meet Up. Enjoy this list and hope it also offers a bit of self-care inspiration…